i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
