i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
