sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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