How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
