for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
