I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
