I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
