I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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