Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
