it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
