I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
