Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
