I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
