peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
