Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize