final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Girls should come with a carfax report
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
