he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
