if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
