Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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