she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
