My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
