You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
