Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize