Plan B is the new Plan A
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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