how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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