whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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