Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
