Do you still have your period?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
