we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
