i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
