I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
