I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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