I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
