So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Operation Purity has been aborted
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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