God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
