no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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