nut hugger
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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