i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
