I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's even glitter on my cock...
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