The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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