I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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