Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize