He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
