He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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