Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize