I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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