okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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