yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
