I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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