how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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