dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
