I love black thongs
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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