literally had 100 drinks last night.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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