drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
