First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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