is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
