if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This house was built for laser tag.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
