So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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