his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
