I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
