You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
