The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
