Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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