I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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