The maid of honor just puked.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
