Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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