And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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